The Surprising Thing That May Be Holding You Back from Recovering from Your Anxiety Disorder

Anxiety is a human experience. We all feel anxious from time to time — giving a speech, flying on an airplane, driving on highways, walking into a store, being far from home, going to a party. As a therapist specializing in anxiety and OCD, these are some of the most common situations I hear about.

No one enjoys feeling anxious. It’s uncomfortable. Most people would prefer to avoid it if they could.

Many people make the brave decision not to let anxiety rule their lives. They face feared situations repeatedly. But sometimes, despite these efforts, they feel frustrated because their anxiety doesn’t decrease the way they expected.

Often, there’s a quieter reason for this.

Safety behaviors.

Safety behaviors are the things we do to try to prevent anxiety or protect ourselves “just in case” we feel anxious. Chewing peppermint gum. Carrying cold water. Bringing a trusted person along. Holding a fan. Talking on the phone. Listening to music. Playing a reassuring podcast.

These strategies aren’t inherently bad. But when they’re used to distract from or escape anxiety, they can quietly reinforce the belief that anxiety is dangerous.

And that belief is the what’s maintaining your anxiety.

If your brain still operates from the rule “Anxiety = danger,” it will continue scanning for it. The moment anxiety appears, your system shifts into escape mode. Even if you are technically facing the situation, your mind is still trying to get away from the feeling.

That subtle shift is often what keeps people stuck.

Evidence-based treatment for anxiety and OCD teaches something different. Recovery isn’t about eliminating anxiety — it’s about changing your relationship to it.

Instead of “I must not feel anxious,” the shift becomes: “If I feel anxious, I can still move forward.”

That may mean gradually reducing your reliance on safety behaviors — not all at once, but thoughtfully. Drop one. Practice tolerating the discomfort. Notice that you survive. Be careful not to replace one safety behavior with another.

As you shift from “I can’t tolerate anxiety” to “I can handle anxiety and still live my life,” something powerful happens. You create a new learning experience not based on escape but rather empowerment and mastery.

Your brain begins to learn that anxiety is uncomfortable — but not catastrophic. In other words, you’re building new learning that competes with the old “anxiety = danger” rule. This is the foundation of what’s known as inhibitory learning — the process through which your brain updates its predictions about threat.

And that’s often when real progress begins.

Because safety behaviors can be subtle and deeply ingrained, they’re often difficult to recognize on your own. Anxiety recovery is less about eliminating fear and more about changing how you respond to it. Therapists trained in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) are specifically equipped to guide that shift in a structured, research-supported way — helping you reduce safety behaviors and build lasting confidence in your ability to handle discomfort.

By Andrea Born-Horowitz, LCSW